12-24-94 4:00am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RByL9ShozSY
Considering the A.M.
Four.
Silent peace.
Heavenly new day sleeping.
Nothing moves.
Not guilt, not shame, not remorse, not self pity, not resentment, not anger, not depression, not frustration, not confusion, not loneliness, not anxiety, not betrayal, not hopelessness, not failure, not fear, not denial.
I put them down on paper
to hold them still.
To fold them and put them away.
I save myself from these
and a new child is born.
Author's Note:
On Christmas Eve at 4:00am I found myself contemplating a few contenders for the New Years Resolution. Eat less chocolate, drink less caffeine, stop the foul language toward annoying drivers, and go to bed earlier. (To name a few). Excess Chocolate or a late night bed time is not really the issue needing resolve. When I get to the root of these things on said list it comes down to a number of unresolved issues. So I wrote out a list of some of these root issues for future reference. What is listed above is what that list may contain.
I have yet to make a New Year's Resolution.
2009/01/18
2009/01/07
Good Grief
Good Grief 6-3-91 / 11:30pm
It's amazing that in such
a rushing violent death
I can see an inner peace.
That horrible beauty,
rushing violent death,
and to accept it.
His rushing violent death.
My beautiful brother.
Grief brought my pen to paper. It was my first tool in dealing with the loss of my brother. Yes, this blog started out heavy on the death side. That is how I got started. This is not the end either. Grief doesn't go away, it just gets different with time. A couple of hours after deciding to accept his death, I understood what it meant to acknowledge the beauty of his life, despite the brutal truth.
It's amazing that in such
a rushing violent death
I can see an inner peace.
That horrible beauty,
rushing violent death,
and to accept it.
His rushing violent death.
My beautiful brother.
Grief brought my pen to paper. It was my first tool in dealing with the loss of my brother. Yes, this blog started out heavy on the death side. That is how I got started. This is not the end either. Grief doesn't go away, it just gets different with time. A couple of hours after deciding to accept his death, I understood what it meant to acknowledge the beauty of his life, despite the brutal truth.
The Last Paradox
The Last Paradox 6-3-91 / 7:00pm
Onwards inside death
lay a euphoric tranquility.
Past the last synapse
of pain and fear,
parallel to reality.
To live that moment.
To die that moment.
Whilst overlapping states
of body and spirit
dissolve to their own:
So this is what it's like to die.
How pleasant.
And the art of dying is accepted
as the act of living is
before the birth of death.
Note: After years of struggling with the violent death of my brother and acceptance of that death in the same sentence I started to look for something positive, something peaceful. He deserves better than that, I deserve better than that.
Onwards inside death
lay a euphoric tranquility.
Past the last synapse
of pain and fear,
parallel to reality.
To live that moment.
To die that moment.
Whilst overlapping states
of body and spirit
dissolve to their own:
So this is what it's like to die.
How pleasant.
And the art of dying is accepted
as the act of living is
before the birth of death.
Note: After years of struggling with the violent death of my brother and acceptance of that death in the same sentence I started to look for something positive, something peaceful. He deserves better than that, I deserve better than that.
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